breastfeeding...who knew it would be so hard?

so, i was so excited that i was going to breastfeed my child. i thought it was going to be this totally natural and easy thing to do. boy was i so wrong about that. i always wondered why people opted out of breastfeeding and chose to use formula. i mean breastfeeding is free and is a way for mothers to bond with their babies. i now know why people choose to formula feed. though our child does consume mostly breast milk, we do supplement some formula with him.
after having jonah i was so excited about breast feeding. i had read that this would help with the bonding between us. i swear this is the hardest thing that i have ever done. after we brought him home from the hospital and were on our own i had no idea what i was really doing. he was hurting me every time i would have to feed him. i just wanted to give up and just feed him formula. my husband kept telling me that it would get better. i was thinking, easy for you to say, he isn’t ripping your nipples off. that is totally what it felt like. i would cry every time that i knew it was time for him to eat.
after a few days we had an appointment with a lactation cunsultant. this was the best thing ever. he had lost like 8% of his birth weight. i obviously had no idea what i was doing. he was dehydrated and it was just bad. they showed me how to latch him on right and position him better to get him to eat more. in no time he was gaining weight.
it has been a stuggle with him to get him to nurse since birth. he has never really been that into it and will really only do it if it’s the middle of the night. i find myself pumping so i know that he is getting the nutrition he needs. i hate pumping though, it’s so awful. i feel like a cow every time i have to hook myself up to the machine. yes, it plugs into the wall and you just see yourself spewing milk out like a cow. even though it’s awful and i spend all my breaks at work pumpin instead of eating, i know that it’s good for him developmentally.
it’s just funny how you have an idea of what things are going to be like and they turn out totally different than you expect them to. i just thought breastfeeding was going to be this totally natural, bonding thing for my child and me and it has turned out to be one of the hardest things i have ever had to learn how to do. i have never cried so much before in my life, because of the pain i went through for the first few weeks with it. it is still hard to this day but at least now it doesn’t feel like he is ripping my nipples off anymore.